I started graduate school thinking “I need to be able to walk away and not be bitter if this doesn’t work out.”
I just barely got a job, just before finishing, and I was willing to walk away even then.
Now, I haven’t done my book. There is no way I will get tenure at my institution. It’s time to walk away.
The question is, where to walk to?
I’m 33. I have no debt, but I do have two cats. I expect to have at least the next academic year as a lame-duck year in which to reinvent myself.
Do I continue to teach? Without a strong publication record, I could aim at high schools or community colleges. But there are enough weaknesses in both my teaching and the way I feel about teaching that I’m not sure about this.
Do I consider administration? For a faculty member, I am administratively-minded, and academia is the system I know. But without publishing, the faculty side of admin is a dead end, and I don’t know that the student affairs side appeals. Maybe it does—I am good at advising (but not counseling!) and basically wrote a draft of a student handbook for my department.
Do I go back to school? The historian/law school overlap is not uncommon, but I don’t think it appeals to me. Library school, merged with technology, might be a good fit, and a PhD in history would be an asset there. I doubt the job prospects are strong, though.
Do I try to become a tech writer? I have a small sideline in answering technological questions on forums, which I enjoy, that might parlay into working on help manuals.
Do I say the hell with it and look for any office job that offers a regular workday and benefits?
Regrets? Yes and No. My job was a very good fit for me. It’s been aggravating me lately, but I felt it offered me room to grow and drew on a lot of my varied skills. I had a thirty-year plan all sketched out (okay, it didn’t have much in it). But I feel that if I really wanted to stay, I would have gotten my book done. I’ve had the time, I’ve had the resources, and I haven’t done it. I suppose if I could do it over again, I would have hired a writing coach around my second year on the tenure-track. But I didn’t, and that’s that.
I can’t even pretend to have anything to offer on this subject.
But I do want to say that I’m impressed with how baldly you’ve stated all of this. The academic blogosphere is so full of neuroses – when I visualize it (as an actual sphere, weird, yes, but no weirder than a series of tubes) I see it actually vibrating with neurosis, much of it driven by tenure. (The job market takes care of the rest.)
To be able to say “There is no way I will get tenure” in a tone that does not vibrate, in an even, solid, matter-of-fact, still tone, is commendable. To then ask “What next?” in the same tone is even more commendable.
This, incidentally, is a sign that you would make a great administrator.
Whatever you do, best of luck.
By: moria on 6 July 2009
at 2:03 am
Whoa! Okay, this took me by surprise.
The positive thing is that you don’t have to decide right this instant. If you’re going up this year, and you’re absolutely *sure* you’re not going to make tenure (and I’d talk to your chair about that, because you never know), you probably have this academic year, plus one more (the so-called “terminal year”). This will enable you to save money, plot out your options, even finish the book if you want to, either for yourself, or to open a path into that admin job.
And if the library school option seems up your alley, then you can always talk to our mutual friend from your grad program, right?
And if you’re doing even 80% as well with all this as the tone of your post suggests, then you’re going to be fine.
By: Notorious Ph.D. on 6 July 2009
at 2:56 am
Where to start….I have some commiseration and some advice….Let’s start with the latter.
My husband got his MLS in 2004 and after 5 years still hasn’t gotten a full time Librarian position. A friend who graduated a year ago can’t even get a paying gig in a library. For all the talk about “retirements”, librarians don’t seem to retire. Ever. More and more reference work is being done by non-MLS holders. Consider this route carefully before pursuing it.
On the other hand, the administration pipeline is very light. Talk to Dean Dad. If you love the atmosphere of colleges/university, I would strongly suggest pursuing that path. My univ. has a number of high-up administrators who still teach in the higher ed program and sit on committees; it’s a win for everyone.
I agree with Notorious that you should talk to your chair, but frankly if you aren’t loving the teaching part of it and you aren’t driven to do the writing you may not be in the right role. I am only now (while writing my dissertation literature review) starting to come to terms with the fact that I love teaching but really have no interest in doing research. Do I finish even though I don’t like it that much? Or take my masters and find a community college to teach at?
I have a huge amount of respect for you; being able to see clearly and know when to walk away is a huge thing, one that most of us can’t do. (I haven’t gotten there yet.) If you are even half as balanced as you sound, you’ll be a success at whatever you decide to do next.
By: protoscholar on 6 July 2009
at 3:28 am
Wow. I tip my hat to you for this clear-eyed assessment of your situation. I have been trying to get there, myself, but i can’t separate myself enough from the equation of my work. What you should probably do is become a therapist!
By: servetus on 6 July 2009
at 12:03 pm
Wowza! My first response is to congratulate you, though I’m not sure if that’s appropriate!
NLLDH’s post-Ph.D. field is library science – he is employed in a good job, and he says that the people he’s in touch with from his program are all employed. But he’d probably agree with protoscholar that librarians don’t retire, looking at his colleagues! (If you’d like to talk with him about this, I’d be happy to put you in touch with him.) I suspect there may be regional variations in this, too. The Ph.D. has been an advantage for him (for one thing, he got his MLIS paid for), but he’s wary of people who say that the profession needs more folks with Ph.D.s because he suspects a lot of librarians don’t necessarily get the Ph.D. and what it brings.
A friend of mine from Former College ended up going into student affairs – he does first-year program stuff, and he seems pretty happy. I think his method was simply to apply for every student-affairs admin position he came across; coming from a small college with a lot of student contact made him a good candidate for that (plus, he was pre-tenure and so not as good a candidate for the faculty side). I can put you in touch with him, too, if you like.
Are you aware of WRK4US? https://lists.duke.edu/sympa/info/wrk4us – it’s a listserv for people leaving academia, and the discussion is often useful. They also have archived discussions on specific post-Ph.D. job fields. (Sorry if this is something you know already.)
A friend of mine who made the same decision as you (she’s pursuing an MLIS, FWIW) arranged not to go up for tenure, but still to keep her terminal year, because she figured, why go through the rejection of the tenure process? Her department had no problem with that.
(Hope this isn’t a pushy-type post – just, this is a subject of some interest to me!)
I agree with everyone else about your poise about this.
By: New Kid on the Hallway on 6 July 2009
at 2:49 pm
Thank you all, and YES, all advice and comments welcome (er, hoped for, actually). Including push back—reacting to negativity is a really good way to find things out. As is writing them down.
Glad I sound confident, since I am relying on that ability to re-invent 11 years of academia into a desirable property on the job market.
There have been tears before this point, and will be again, and I’ll be blogging some neuroses as well as choices in the near future, but a variable 50%-80% as confident as I sound is probably about right.
NK, I was hoping you would chime in and many thanks for the offers of contacts, I may take you up on that. I did not know about the Duke listserv, and the concept of getting an MLIS paid for would certainly tweak that equation, although yes, protoscholar, I’m hearing much more frequently that the library market is NOT good. Moria, love your visual. Servetus, I’m also struggling with separating myself from my work—that’s going to be fun. NPhD, I hadn’t thought about finishing the book AND leaving—that’s an idea.
By: dance on 6 July 2009
at 4:54 pm
Well, I had this situation and became very neurotic about it because everyone thought I should — didn’t get it at all.
Everyone I know who has gone to library school has done well – I didn’t realize the market was that tight, my brother with a couple of MA’s, not even a PhD, and an MLIS always gets good jobs (although not necessarily well paid, you know). PhD plus MLIS, better yet.
By: profacero on 7 July 2009
at 1:16 am
Coming to this late, but just wanted to say I share everyone’s admiration of your composure and pragmatism. Good luck with everything—though I’m certain you won’t need it. I’m with Notorious and Protoscholar in knowing you’ll be just fine.
By: Lucky Jane on 7 July 2009
at 7:29 pm
P.S. I am so envious. I was only a little older than you when I had this situation, 35 … I got the contract for the book and knew I didn’t want to do it.
I felt I had graduated at last — shown I could have a good professional career. Now I wanted to go back to school and prepare for one.
I was quite right and I repressed this. You go — and have fun!
By: profacero on 8 July 2009
at 3:59 am
If you need time to reinvent, find out exactly what the situation at your campus is and with your state’s unemployment compensation laws. At mine, if you don’t go up for tenure, you don’t get the additional consolation prize year–you are terminated at the end of your up and out year. AND, if you resign before being considered for tenure, I’ve been told, you can’t collect unemployment, because you don’t count as having been terminated. As humiliating as it is, it could be worthwhile to be turned down if it got you another year.
By: servetus on 8 July 2009
at 6:12 pm
I’m coming in late, but want to say how much I admire this choice and your approach to it. Not to mention your public forthrightness about it all!
By the time I finished my PhD I had worked out that academia was not for me, and though it took a few years of both un- and under-employment, I eventually made my way into an admin job at a university.
I work as a research grants facilitator. It requires a PhD, and pays reasonably well, plus I work with faculty on developing research ideas and grants, but don’t have to do the research/writing, there are opportunities to run workshops, etc. (teaching of a sort), and yet I have a life as work is not usually 7 days a week, and also I have support if I choose to pursue academic interests (publications, conferences) but no requirements to do so.
In terms of resources, try Leaving Academia which has many, many links on this topic (http://www.leavingacademia.com/), the Chronicle’s “Beyond the Ivory Tower columns”, and a helpful book: “So What Are You Going to do With That…” (a guide on leaving the academy, by Basalla and Debelius) — for the CV-to-resume chapter alone, it’s worth the price.
Sorry to go on, but finding a way from the PhD to a non-academic life has been a bit of a theme for me and some friends, and I’ve enjoyed your writing, so wanted to offer my 2 cents worth…
By: bdneuf on 8 July 2009
at 8:35 pm
I read you through Tohu Bohu (I’m Vardibidian’s Best Reader, aka his wife). I’m new to the blog but I like your writing very much.
I’m with you all the way on this. I’m currently a prof in a 2 year program which is part of a 4 year University. I love my teaching and I’m good at it. I’m a good colleague on committees and I’m not bad at it. I am completely unable to publish. Even at the minimal level my University/program expects. I just passed my 3rd year review and I can see the light 3 years from now and it is red. I hate the stress and anxiety going into the publishing part of this job (especially since a monograph in medieval art history will not make me better able to teach the students I see in my classroom who cannot write a complete sentence). It’s driving me sleepless and my family to tears. I find it harder to knuckle down and work knowing I’m not getting this aspect of the process; better to just watch Oliver Twist with a bowl of ice cream and your sweetie than tease out one more footnote on a book no one wants.
I’m not where you are yet and I admire your perspective on this. I wish you all the luck in the world. (Especially since I have an interest in how it might play out for me).
By: Fran on 15 July 2009
at 1:31 am
Again, thank you all. It’s cathartic to work through my thoughts on this blog, and so helpful to read your comments, thoughts, analyses, and experiences.
Fran, I sent you a personal email, which I might turn into a post. I know exactly how you feel.
By: dance on 15 July 2009
at 3:36 am