You Know What Part of the Single Penalty Is Really Starting to Bug Me?

Coupons. All the coupons I see are “buy one, get one free!”, or “$5 off an order of $15!” And despite academics being basically cheap people, I don’t have very many colleagues I’d feel comfortable grabbing and saying, “hey, let’s go eat here, I have a coupon.”

I mean, I eat at Qdoba practically weekly (hula classes go from 6:30pm to whenever he lets us go, so it’s really helpful to eat a big supper around 3pm or 4pm), and still, for my birthday, all they can send me is “buy one get one free.”

 

I’m Just Sayin’

I have three baby showers to attend in the next seven days—Saturday, Sunday, and Wednesday.

I’m a single 34-year old woman.

Lay your bets now—will I come out the other end totally bonkers or saying “thank god that’s not me!”

 

Notable Quotations

Not once did I think ‘Let me examine the gender, class and race implications of my brown self being here while these doctors and nurses look at me hold his lily white hand.’

 

Things I Don’t Like to Do by Myself

The county fair.

As I just now discovered, about 100 yards away from the entrance, at which point I turned around and went home—but I do live right across the street from the fairgrounds.

Also, movies.

Things I won’t hesitate to do alone:

• eating out
• plays
• dance performances

Things I actively prefer to do by myself:

• shopping of any kind, whether clothes or craft fairs (shared grocery shopping is okay)
• museums
• road trips

 

The Plural of Anecdote Really IS Data

Yeah. Not science, not data, folks. Just some dressed up anecdotes.

GenePartner tested long-term couples’ HLA [type of gene involved in immune system] makeup and had them fill out in-depth questionnaires. “We asked them whether they find their relationship passionate, about the quality of intercourse, if it was love at first sight,” says co-founder Tamara Brown. With genetic data from 270 couples, the company came up with an algorithm for predicting compatibility based on HLA combinations.

And, 270 couples? Gee, Netflix gave people trying to improve their recommendation algorithm a dataset of 100 million ratings to work with.

 

So, My School Has Asked for Voluntary Furloughs

Apparently the contracts for a professor are such that they are unable to actually cut our salaries, and we are not unionized here. So they are asking us to voluntarily furlough ourselves. The president and provost (our new provost has a very good grasp on PR) announced a month or so ago that they and other upper admin are taking some days.

I am a community-minded person; I do believe that individuals should sacrifice for the good of the community; and I think asking for furloughs is a rational first response to a budget crisis, so whether I will volunteer for a furlough is really just a matter of whether I will live up to my own principles. I probably will. I just need to sort out the numbers, and the percentage that I’m willing to give up.

BUT, I just want to point out that this is another form of the single penalty in academia. I can afford to take a pay cut because I have no mortgage and no kids.

 

If Only I Lived in a Movie Set in NYC

On Friday night, I left my office at 8pm, changing into sensible shoes for the walk home. On the way, I stopped at the Thai restaurant (number programmed into my mobile) to pick up dinner (ordered without consulting a menu). The cats ran and hid from the noise as I came in the door, but came back to cuddle as I settled in for an evening with take-out and the TV (Dollhouse, then Numbers).

 

Unnecessary

I remember when I saw Titanic, at the end it’s an overhead shot while she’s floating on the big wooden door, and he’s dying in the cold water next to her, and all I could think was “there is totally room for two people on that raft.” I mean, sure, he’d made one pitiful attempt to get up there, it had tilted, and then he just gave up. WTF?

Anyhow, that’s exactly how I feel about the main plot of the Sex and the City movie. Major spoilers behind the cut.

 

Vignette

When a man who has lived in JPU town for 20 years, teaching at JPU, moves into an apartment complex in the dead of winter with a station wagon packed full of stuff—and with a piano—I think perhaps a marriage has fallen apart.

 

Prone to Laughter

I actually came up with “prone to laughter” as a gmail address for answering craigslist ads. My other suggestion—packrat—was rejected by my sister as a turn-off, and I’m sure I would have had to be packrat196@gmail.com anyhow. My sister provided the “prone to…” structure, and I liked “prone to laughter”. It’s pretty evocative of me, I think. I tend to be pretty cheery, but also prone to inappropriate laughter—sometimes I’m that lone chuckle in a movie theater, sometimes I’m the person joking about death.

Of course, now that Prone to Laughter has become a shadowy identity, I had to find something else to answer ads with, but oh well.

 

Thoughts on Perusing Craigslist Singles Ads

Pictures of your pets? Seriously? You think someone will want to answer your ad because you’ve got pet pictures? I’m just not seeing the chain of logic here.

Why do people put up unflattering pictures of themselves? Especially when it’s two pictures, and the second one just looks busted. And I don’t mean to diminish the picture of the zaftig woman—kudos to her—but, really, if your head looks like a little peanut on top of your body, it’s not a good look. (Although, it’s better than the “my head is too big for my body” anorexic look, pioneered by Calista Flockhart around the Ally McBeal days. Incidentally, how did “Ally McBeal days” become an instantly recognizable period of time?)

 

I Am So Tired of Being Single

But really, a transatlantic flight is plenty of time to develop a hopeless crush, right? Hopeless because “hello, never gonna see this person again.” I’m pretty sure this crush is one part accent, two parts charmed by plans to ride a motorcycle from the Arctic Circle to Tucson over six weeks (wow!), and three parts friendly-looking. I couldn’t even tell you exactly what friendly-looking means, but I’m a sucker for it.

 

Singles Ads

So, I saw an ad on craigslist, under “men seeking women”, and this guy said he wanted a “large” woman—but not to bother answering if you weren’t under 165 pounds.

Exactly what does he think “large” is? 165 is his upper limit on “large”?

 

The “Delusions” Playlist

Love songs by people who are clearly lying to themselves…in order from least deluded to most. I blame songs like these for a lot of the ills in contemporary American culture.

He Doesn’t Know I’m Alive, Janet Jackson

talk to him? oh, no, I haven’t even tried

…at least she knows exactly what’s going on.

Congratulations, Vesta Williams

we never really said goodbye
thought we’d give it one more try

…But now, he’s marrying someone else.

When You Think of Me, Eric Benet

do you feel like dying
do you break down crying
do you fall down on your knees
don’t wanna go on living
does your world start spinning
when you think of me

…I think that’s just you.

After The Pain, Betty Wright

having a piece of a man,
is better than having no man at all
so I’m gon’ just take what I got
and work with it

…I beg to differ.

We Belong Together, Mariah Carey

…I don’t really need to quote from this one, because the concept that certain people belong together is bad enough. If you belonged together, you would be together, not broken up and singing about it. Yet, it gets worse…

Always Been Your Girl, Heather Headley

can you tell me that I’m not her
say I’m not the one who completes your world
who should share your name
who should wear your ring
when I’ve always been your girl
can you tell me I’m not the one
to be the mother of your unborn son

…let’s not even get me started on the concept of “the one.”

What If, Babyface

that could be my car
that could be my house
that could be my baby boy that you’re nursing

…hello? she has a child by someone else. This song, I could have typed out all the lyrics.

Fun playlist, though. Especially that last one. Hate the sentiments, like the songs.

 

Inventing Fun Psych Experiments

Show different groups of people the same email, but with a different photo of the person who wrote it. All flattering photos, but showing different aspects of personality. Do all groups interpret the tone of the email the same way?