I lost half a day of my life to a new employee benefits orientation. It was supposed to be a whole day, but since I had already signed up for benefits, I realized I didn’t need to stick around while they explained the choices and skipped out.

So really the morning was a complete waste of time, since the morning consisted of a bunch of people trying to brainwash us into the Jumbo Public University way. You know, people complain about diversity training a lot, but the diversity presentation was actually the best by far. It was coherent, engaging, interactive, and had a point.

It was better than the forked tongue of the strategic planning lady:

HR is there to support you. Really. Yeah, maybe no one will mention that you have vacation days you should take or lose, and yeah, you have to be “your own best advocate” to avoid being chewed up and spit out by the “huge bureaucratic machine,” but HR has your back. Really.

It was better than the forked tongue of the rah-rah JPU video:

JPU cares about you. Really. You are a small cog in a big machine, but JPU cares.

It was way better than the expectation that we learn the school cheer (yes, there’s a school cheer), and finish it when given the prompt.

At first, I was really annoyed I was there. I don’t think professors normally go, but I had been told to. I didn’t see why I needed the pep talk about customer service that appeared to have been designed for the administrative and support staff that made up the bulk of the crowd.

But then I castigated myself for snobbishness and decided to appreciate the anthropological value of the morning. I took a lot of notes on this foreign species of HR reps. Unfortunately, I’m too lazy to find them, so this post will have to do.